Q+A: How do I release myself from the emotional obligation I feel?
I’m lonely in my relationship, feel selfish for my needs, burdened and duty bound by my commitment. How can I stop sabotaging my happiness whilst honouring my integrity?
These timeless psycho-spiritual collective readings with guidance present a foundational insight into an issue you may be experiencing and reflect the psychological essence behind behavioural energy. Be empowered to develop compassion and flexibility on your values-responsive path in resolving what keeps you up at night.
So what’s going on?
Lenormand Cross Layout using: True Black Tarot: L-R: Six of Cups, Destiny (Wheel of Fortune), Hanged Man reversed, Chariot, Seven of Cups reversed
Rana George Lenormand: Eastern Man, Crossroads, Eastern Woman, Bear and Fox
A (destined) turn of events has reopened what you may feel to be ‘Pandora’s box’ of choice that has reignited, or reminded you, of an opportunity to take a different path. It’s intensely powerful, it comes with a force you struggle to reckon with, and it comes with speed. You’re also determined to control this force and bend it to your will. And this control is the root of the suffering.
You’ve got one foot in the past, i.e. on the brake, whilst the other is desperately trying to get a footing and failing miserably. The result is stratospheric resistance that can be seen by NASA and you’re stalling heavily with distractions.
I was fully expecting the people of the last two weeks to reappear and here they are again so something still remains unsaid, undone or not chosen. One is connected to the past; perhaps someone you’re taking responsibility for that isn’t yours to take, and the other feels like an obligation or duty-bound. You can never be 100% ready for change and you’re being encouraged to loosen your grip before the Universe decides it won’t wait any longer and decides for you.
I get a sense that you’ve tried very hard to make a decision and have defaulted back to ‘old’, but the emotional pain this is causing you is immense. You may have even tried to dissolve the ties that bind but this will never work with a soul connection and you could even suffer physical symptoms of shock as a result of trying to sever the bond.
You could be viewing this decision as a sign you’re craving a misaligned path plotted with landmines of illusion that will somehow equal your downfall. That this is a life lesson to be intercepted, or some sort of endurance test to battle through. I say with confidence; it’s not a trick. This opportunity is not a mirage. The only thing being tested is your intuition because there’s clearly a misalignment going on.
As Maverick says, “Don’t think. Just do”. What does your yearning feel like? Only then involve your mind once your body has given you the response you’re looking for.
The Fox can lead you to question where you place your trust. How much trust do you place in yourself to make the right decision for you? Are you listening to your heart? A dismissal of your emotional fulfilment and opportunity is indicated by the Seven of Cups and feels rooted in self worth.
It is not selfish of you to need emotional connection but it could be considered so by only offering a part of yourself to another that is willing to participate. Is your indecision now at the expense of others, not for them?
This crossroads is leading you to question your entire journey. What you thought you knew is now being thrown into the ring for you to judge and scrutinise. The rug from under your feet feels snatched. Your sense of purpose may be arising and you could even be questioning your sanity.
There is also a sense of projection and blame. Perhaps it’s tempting to view the bringer of this opportunity to you as the ‘bad guy’ for leading you to this level of discomfort and uncertainty. Why is this happening to you? You feel weighed down but you also know the truth: that it’s not their fault, and the universe is simply showing you something, or someone, that is for your highest good.
Anything ‘worth it’ requires a challenge to rise to. The path ahead will take courage to choose and it’s the sum total of your emotional maturity, self respect and dignity to do so. You’re being asked to overcome your pride and be receptive to what is being shown to you.
Runes: Mannaz and Uruz
Bottom of the deck Ten of Cups and Western Man (querent, or focus of the querent)
Mannaz is connected to union and all that unites and serves humanity. It reminds you we’re connected by invisible threads that cannot be dissolved. You are not an island. Unity is strength, exchange and communication; imperative in the how you relate to others. It asks you to consider how at ease you are with your emotions, and in giving and receiving of affection.
Uruz is linked to power, perseverance and courage. Is your will, determination and control constructive, or destructive?
All linked by a focus on what brings you emotional fulfilment, sharing love with others and bringing more peace and harmony into your relationships, the bottom of the deck shows you want to create a relationship based on mutual love, respect and commitment. Given the nature of the reading, locate your inner strength to explore the path being offered now.
A quick word on the current numerology
Cards aside, April is an intense month for numerology; it’s strewn with 1s that lead to independent thinking; away from codependent relationships and into harmonious unions. There is no doubt that you’re being called to judgement and honesty, especially if you’ve been doing an ‘ostrich’ until now. If you’re a master number 11, or have any master numbers in your life path numerology (11, 22, or 33), you’re going to be feeling the pivotal energy stronger than most. Add the 7 of the year and it’s a time to question if the truths you’ve long-held are now right for you. If you’re unsure of your life path numerology, drop a comment and I’ll help you out.
Guidance
It’s honourable and magnanimous to occasionally put other adults first, but when it becomes a repeating instance that defaults your needs and desires to the back-burner, it’s time to refocus.
To be emotionally responsible means you are being responsible for your beliefs, feelings and behaviour as no one other than you is experiencing, or has control over them. The harsh reality is that only you can create or add to a stressful situation by remaining passive by choice.
Commitments of any nature are often bound by principles, ethics and virtue. When you make them, you do so from a place of promise and integrity, reflected from where you’re currently at. However, you can never know what time will bring and thus changing your commitment can come with such burden it can cripple a much needed or divinely-timed redirection that are in the best interests of everyone concerned.
You may have learned from childhood that it’s ‘safer’ to put other’s needs first. You may also have learned that decisions are hard, maybe even impossible, so you subconsciously disable self-responsibility and tell yourself it’s for the good of someone else to avoid the confrontation or assumed fallout.
No one else is living your life; only you are. We are all on our own path to evolution and we choose who runs with us. Your heart knows. Making a difficult choice can be confronting to others who are also not living with fulfilment and growth. So you may be attempting to keep the peace at the expense of your own.
This then becomes the opposite of virtuous.
We all have basic human needs for safety, love, acceptance, connection, purpose and belonging. These are different to values. Understanding your needs will help you to see what drives your behavioural patterns that ensure your needs are met. When your needs aren’t met, your emotional well-being is undermined.
For example; a lack of emotional stability in childhood can create that core need as an adult, irrespective of being an otherwise flourishing individual. With so much spoken about codependence these days, it’s almost become a buzzword that triggers eye-rolling. However codependence has many facets. An over-protective, or dominant ‘parenting role’ that creates a parent-child dynamic rather than an adult-to-adult heart-connected relationship, may ‘keep you’ entangled in a union you’ve outgrown. Your soul chose that dynamic to learn and evolve.
We must all do our best to meet our own needs to the maximum of our own ability; whether emotional or material in nature. Without this awareness, we cannot expect to have a balanced relationship.
Ditch any idea of perfectionism. We don’t need to be ‘sorted’ to be in our destined partnerships. We do need to be self aware and actively working on meeting our own needs so we are emotionally available and celebrating our own worth within our interdependent unions.
“How many dreams to find out what you have lost?
How many years to find out what you must love?”
- DMA’S
Forgiveness, spirituality and effort
Whilst it’s essential to have a clear intention, it’s equally important to detach from the outcome and let the Universe have some breathing space to work it’s magic.
So how can you surrender your wheel of control now and trust with gratitude for what you’re currently unable to see, but know is coming, and know is meant for you?
When you feel into your body, what does it choose? Who, does it choose?
Become aware of your emotions and name them. When you get overwhelmed with emotion, self-enquire as to what evidence supports your thoughts and feelings, and what evidence contradicts them? See the bigger picture. Are you overlooking the evidence that contradicts them? Consider an alternative way you could feel, and then think, about the situation that now meets your needs.
Become aware by noticing the world and your experience as being separate from you. Imagine your body is a vessel and you are peering out through the windows of that vessel. What do you notice about your sensations from this perspective? What step can you take in this coming week to protect yourself from sabotage?
Be open to joy and miracles. A key to positive change is to allow yourself to savour the random acts that make you smile. Allow yourself to feel and believe that miracles are real by letting go of the resistance and doubt that sabotages them.
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Alison Jeavons is a professional intuitive, certified Transpersonal Coach, Practitioner in Trauma Focused Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (TFACT), Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), plus a variety of humanistic and alternative models. Learn more about her work at Soulchology or to work with her personally.